Published in the April, 2015 issue of the Biscayne Times newspaper:

“Welcome aboard, beautiful people! Let’s go to Miami Beach! Lamborghinis! Martinis! Bikinis! You gonna see the house of Tony Montana! Say hello to my little friend! Welcome. Welcome. Bikinis, bikinis, bikinis! Keep your eyes open!”

On a Saturday morning at Bayside Marketplace, a man named Emilio, with a thick Cuban accent, is holding forth on a microphone that’s turned up too loud or held too close to his mouth, or both. His bikini chant is distorted. You can hear him breathing through the sound system. He keeps knocking the mic against his chin. He’s probably not even supposed to have the mic.

Emilio’s job is to drive a big open-top, London-style double-decker bus around Miami while a professional tour guide explains the sites and local history to passengers. But the tour guide hasn’t gotten onboard yet. He’s standing on the sidewalk, talking to arriving passengers, checking tickets, and squinting in the glare of Biscayne Bay stretched out in the morning sun.

Emilio, meanwhile, is standing in the bus doors, having fun. “My name is Antonio Montana. You gonna see my mansion there in South Beach.” The microphone squeals loudly, the tourists tense up, and Emilio finally relents: “Don’t worry, beautiful people. You gonna have a nice tour guide with you. Not like me. I sorry for the accent. I from Cuba.”

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